But Can You Get Through Today?
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
My whole life I have always planned for tomorrow. Lived today in a way to make tomorrow better. And now when I’m faced with the question “Carlie, what’s your plan?” or “Carlie, what are you doing after DTS?”
The answer to that question is simple:
I don’t know.
For much of my life I have lived in fear of saying or doing the wrong thing, I’ve had such a false sense of confidence-- and most of all tried my hardest to please everyone around me. All of this was at the expense of who I am and my feelings, along with the relationships I had in my life.
My life’s motto used to be “it is what it is, what’s the worst thing that can happen?” This came from my false sense of confidence and was such a reckless way of living. I spent a very large portion of my childhood growing up on stage, literal and metaphorical. I was doing plays at church for as long as I can remember (along with every other child who attended Sunday school around Christmas time), I was on the praise team when I was freshly nine years old in Alamo with Jen and Camille (with a short break before we attended Freshwater when I was just thirteen), I’ve been doing musicals and band all throughout middle school and high school, and singing the National Anthem at as many High school sporting events as I possibly could. I thought I loved performing-- and in all
I had a knack for it, until I started to feel like my life had become a performance-- which is where you would find my fear of man and trying to please everyone around me
“Oh, that will look so good on your college resume”
The amount of times I heard this started off at a very young age, and so I lived my life today planning for tomorrow. Spreading myself so thin so that my future would potentially be better. Why am I telling you about my childhood when this is supposed to be a (long overdue) update about how YWAM is going?
Here’s what I’ve learned: GOD DOESN’T CARE WHAT'S ON YOUR RESUME-- and even better: YOU DON’T NEED A RESUME TO GET INTO HEAVEN!
I’ve always KNOWN this, but there is such a difference between knowing something in your head and in your heart. Which is why I’m throwing out religion altogether and pursuing a real loving relationship with our PERFECT God. I am so ready to throw away the fear I have been living in, the fear of being wrong, the fear of rejection, the fear of missing out, the fear of my trust being broken, comparison, but most of all the fear of man and living up to the expectations of those who aren’t God. This has been a tough and emotional road and the most interesting part is that there is no final destination. I’ve decided to fully put my trust and future in God’s hands-- and while that sounds easy, it’s a choice I have to make every day, and sometimes it's still quite difficult.
As for how I am doing, I am learning how to love God in ways I never knew were possible. I’m learning how to hear God’s voice and understand who Holy Spirit is and the power that he has. But the two things that I have been reminded (by a very sweet and amazing friend) of the most these last few weeks that I need to understand truly in my heart, it's this: 1. Its okay to be wrong, especially stepping out in faith- God is going to honor that, and 2. It’s OKAY to be vulnerable, especially with Jesus, that is what he wants-- a relationship. It’s been a whirlwind for sure, and I am so thankful I got the opportunity to take these six months and find God along with sharing him with others. I am beyond grateful for the people I have met here in Kona (downtown), who are open to me sharing my faith with them and so crazy excited to go to the Himalayas in four weeks.