• carlienoelle

Home Will Always Be Home

Updated: Oct 2, 2020

I’ve sat down to write this blog more times than I can actually count. I so desperately wanted closure and was searching for it deliberately, yet I found it so hard to feel satisfied. I was heartbroken when I left YWAM a week early, I knew that the Lord had a plan, but I needed to find a new perspective. 

As I have been home, I’ve been wanting to write about my last few weeks in the Himalayas, but couldn't fully communicate what I wanted to say. What I can say is this: I left a piece of my heart over there and the Lord has provoked me to go back someday. I don’t know when someday is but I know it will happen. 

Our Lord is a God of comfort, a God of love, and mercy, and kindness, but the attribute that I have been so in awe of is that he is a God of redemption. I could’ve come home, that was always an option. When I got sick for the who-knows-how-manyth time, I could have justified coming home, yet I didn’t. Some of you who know me are not surprised by this because I am “stubborn” or a “fighter,” but in those moments I did not feel that way. I felt weak and helpless. Quite honestly I was scared, but Jesus taught me that He is there to comfort me, that it’s okay to slow down, and most of all that I don’t have to be strong or fight by myself because he wants to do that for me. 

I know that what I just said is a very “sunday school” answer/revelation, but because I had the privilege of growing up where I did with the family the Lord put me into, I never had to know what it was like to need God in those ways. I always knew that he is our provider and our comforter and all the attributes that the Bible says He is, but I’ve come to a different level of understanding, and the Lord has given me the authority to speak from a place where those revelations have come from. 

Redemption is a beautiful word, isn't it? Maybe not so much the word, but the meaning. COVID-19 brought a lot of heartache for many, but it also brought redemption. People who were too timid to take the step to walk into a new church have been watching online for weeks, others are coming together to celebrate, whether it be parades for birthdays or graduation. Personally the biggest blessing in my life that has come from the shut-down is seeing my older brother. About two weeks before I left the Himalayas, Jake called me to tell me when he was going to be home before his summer training. And once I put that together with what the Lord has been calling me to do, we were only supposed to see each other for two weeks in 2020. Since March, our whole family has been home and I have been able to spend about three months with my best bud/big brother. AND LET ME TELL YOU IT HAS BEEN A BLAST! Whether we are having a serious conversation asking each other for advice, going on adventures, doing worship nights, or (one of my favorites) pranking other people in our house. (I may or may not be talking about Gavin.) It has been a true blessing and I can honestly say that it wouldn't have happened without the whole world shutting down.


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